hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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