My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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