Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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