I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
