Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
