maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
