He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
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he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
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Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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