i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
