if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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