Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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