Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
