My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
