all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
