My sheets look like a crime scene.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
