i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
