I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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