Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
