omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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