your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize