I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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