Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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