Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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