shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
