there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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