If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
