was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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