You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
