I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
