Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
