I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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