Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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