I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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