I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
tell me about the eggs
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
