I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
