Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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