i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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