Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
