Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
