Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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