I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
