I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
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