at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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