we're chasing vodka with high fives
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
