Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
