Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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