I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to summon your inner elephant
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize