I hate all girls vehemently.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
