At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
