Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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