I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
