i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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