FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
