mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Farmville is her only friend.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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