A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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