hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
