I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
