Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
