Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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