I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
