So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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