We're facebook friends in real life
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
