you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
