nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
