Don't make out with my wife yet
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
