I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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