You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
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