The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize