Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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