maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
