walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
