shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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