i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
