went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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