you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
someone owes me an orgasm
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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