I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
