There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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