I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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