I just made out with a guy for $7.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
